Long ago, I was a bouncer at a strip club in the Phoenix metro area. The
work, much like the oft quoted observation about war, could be described
as "Long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror". The
pay-to-pain ratio was shit, and for those who think hanging around 75
strippers every night is glamorous?
Say what you will, but I believe
that the studies performed by Martha McClintock were dead-on; women who
maintain a close physical proximity often wind of having their monthly
cycles sync, and my "crew" was synced tighter than the Grambling Tiger
drum section. Roughly every 27-29 days the ladies toilet would become
stopped up on nearly an hourly basis, due to improper tampon disposal.
Guess who got to go in there with a plunger? Yeah, if you ever want to
wind up hating humanity as a whole, I might have a career for ya.
One day I saw this new girl (let's call her 'Cheri', my attorney has enough on his plate) start her career as a dancer. She projected a ton of enthusiasm but, being very inexperienced, could not mesmerize the fifty customers in the building with "Sex on a pole" stage work. As a result, her number of lap dances, far and away the majority of a dancer's income, suffered.
One night, she came to me for advice. I pointed out "Tiffany", a seasoned veteran who did almost nothing on stage, but had developed a strong following of regulars due to some amazing (but within bounds) lap dancing tricks. Tiff's "stand out", and one you all probably have seen before, was facing the customer, placing the top of her head down near the front of his crotch, and doing a head stand, placing the customer in an interesting "69" type of perspective. Cheri brightened up. "I used to be a cheerleader. I'll go home and practice tonight and "watch out world", Cheri's making a ton tomorrow!" She kissed me on the cheek and left.
The next day, Cheri briskly exited the locker room and asked me to suggest a target. Looking around, I see "Dave", a generous tipper who always keeps his hands where he should, and made the introduction. Within about 15 seconds after the song started (7 seconds after her top came off), Cheri executes a picture perfect head stand. Dave's expression changed dramatically. About three times during the song, Cheri did an iteration of the trick, Yes, it was a bit much, but she was clearly proud of her new skill and I thought worthy of some slack.
The song ended, and Dave emphatically shook his head "no", indicating he did not want another dance, and he handed her a couple of twenties...not bad for a ten buck day dance! I walked up to Dave and asked, "So, how was Cheri?"
Dave answered "Fine, but she really needs to learn to wipe better..."
Say what you will, but I believe
that the studies performed by Martha McClintock were dead-on; women who
maintain a close physical proximity often wind of having their monthly
cycles sync, and my "crew" was synced tighter than the Grambling Tiger
drum section. Roughly every 27-29 days the ladies toilet would become
stopped up on nearly an hourly basis, due to improper tampon disposal.
Guess who got to go in there with a plunger? Yeah, if you ever want to
wind up hating humanity as a whole, I might have a career for ya.One day I saw this new girl (let's call her 'Cheri', my attorney has enough on his plate) start her career as a dancer. She projected a ton of enthusiasm but, being very inexperienced, could not mesmerize the fifty customers in the building with "Sex on a pole" stage work. As a result, her number of lap dances, far and away the majority of a dancer's income, suffered.
One night, she came to me for advice. I pointed out "Tiffany", a seasoned veteran who did almost nothing on stage, but had developed a strong following of regulars due to some amazing (but within bounds) lap dancing tricks. Tiff's "stand out", and one you all probably have seen before, was facing the customer, placing the top of her head down near the front of his crotch, and doing a head stand, placing the customer in an interesting "69" type of perspective. Cheri brightened up. "I used to be a cheerleader. I'll go home and practice tonight and "watch out world", Cheri's making a ton tomorrow!" She kissed me on the cheek and left.
The next day, Cheri briskly exited the locker room and asked me to suggest a target. Looking around, I see "Dave", a generous tipper who always keeps his hands where he should, and made the introduction. Within about 15 seconds after the song started (7 seconds after her top came off), Cheri executes a picture perfect head stand. Dave's expression changed dramatically. About three times during the song, Cheri did an iteration of the trick, Yes, it was a bit much, but she was clearly proud of her new skill and I thought worthy of some slack.
The song ended, and Dave emphatically shook his head "no", indicating he did not want another dance, and he handed her a couple of twenties...not bad for a ten buck day dance! I walked up to Dave and asked, "So, how was Cheri?"
Dave answered "Fine, but she really needs to learn to wipe better..."
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